How to Put Out the Flames of Conflict

When two stones rub against each other, they can produce tiny sparks. In much the same way, a disagreement can grow into a major conflict when two stubborn people refuse to give ground. We don't have to look far to find examples. Situations like this are all around us, even as news from battlefields across the world streams to our phones around the clock.

With no clear end in sight to the global inflation crisis, many people have been left feeling defeated, as though they have lost the stability and comfort they once took for granted. At the same time, the shift from communal living toward a more individualistic way of life has left many facing their anxieties alone, an experience that is both deeply uncomfortable and emotionally draining.

In response, many seek relief by trying to win smaller, more manageable battles. It is not because they see themselves as warriors destined for victory, but because they hope that winning one conflict might somehow make up for losses suffered elsewhere, even when those situations have nothing to do with each other.

This is why even the smallest disagreements can be so difficult to extinguish. There always seem to be people nursing a sense of defeat who return to fan the embers of a fading conflict until it flares up once again. We may not be able to change people like this, but we can reduce the damage caused by their constant need to find victory in every circumstance.

Illustration: One afternoon in Singosari, Malang.

Letting Go of Personal Ambition Is Never Easy

Today, being part of a close-knit community is often seen as giving up personal freedom. Living together requires us to restrain many of our impulses in order to preserve balance, between ourselves and nature, within our own communities, and between different communities. Yet the one thing that should be freed is our ability to govern ourselves and work together, even without a central authority standing above everyone else.

Among followers of the Tuvan Indigenous Faith believers in Southern Siberia, happiness is not viewed as the pursuit of personal ambition. Instead, it is understood as the result of continually nurturing harmony and balance within the community. Ritual offerings made to trees, mountains, the sea, and animals are not merely acts of worship. They are a way of recognizing the humanity of the natural world, a tradition established by their ancestors to teach future generations to care for the environment with respect and responsibility.

Leaders within Tuvan communities step forward only when their guidance is needed. Unless they are asked to intervene, they tend to observe quietly rather than interfere. Excessive involvement discourages people from taking initiative and learning to make decisions that allow both the community and the surrounding environment to exist in harmony. A true leader does not seek wealth or public recognition, because hidden motives inevitably reveal themselves when the community they lead fails to achieve well-being and happiness.

Perfection Is Only a Myth

No matter who makes the claim, we should be skeptical of anything presented as perfect. Nothing in this world is perfect, whether we like it or not. An idea deserves to be called "right" only if it genuinely contributes to the well-being and happiness of society as a whole.

When we stop measuring ourselves against impossible standards of perfection, our sense of inadequacy begins to fade, even if we cannot yet confidently say that we are truly happy.

Conflicts, along with the small sparks that can ignite them, will eventually die out on their own when we no longer feel the need to prove to others that our arguments are the only ones that are right. (dswas)