Living With Shame Is Not the End of the World – What Should We Do About It?

As people think they lack something, they assume they are unworthy of being equal, a thought that makes them feel ashamed of living in society. Thus, shame is common in any person with a family who lives below standard, since they believe their neighbors may talk about it, and since every one of us will feel better having something we can be proud of. Wealth and a good financial condition, just to name a few.

Given that we live in an era when image is more important than one's actual quality, most people are willing to do anything to grab people's attention, no matter the cost. If they don't have money for that purpose, a shortcut is now made available: a money loan. Not borrowing from the neighbors, of course, but from banks, online loan apps, or other credit or money lending institutions.

According to several groups, the practice of loan and borrowing money began centuries before the Christ was born. During that period, farmers would borrow money from moneylenders to cover their daily expenses when the harvest was still a ways off.

Throughout human civilization, lending and borrowing money have become common practices, despite Aristotle's severe critique that accruing interest on loans was a disgraceful practice, followed by Christians and Muslims' fatwa that condemn such business as a sin. But, that was a long time ago.  

To put an end or to express shame?

It is not an overstatement to believe that, for many people—regardless of gender, age, ethnicity, or occupation—shame is like the agony of hellfire. For those experience this, it feels like everyone is humiliating them, which in turn lowers their self-esteem. Public humiliation and encroachment is no myth but a true situation among young people globally. 

For instance, the perpetrators behind the current wave of mass shootings in the US, the majority of whom had experienced bullying in school, were the masterminds behind this trend.

The emotions that plague their minds—shame, humiliated, low self-worth — need an escape route to break free. They believed that the best way to let everyone knew what they felt deep inside was to shoot aimlessly in all directions.

In Japan, on the other hand, victims of bullying usually decide to take their own lives rather than live in constant loss of face. In addition to middle school pupils, elementary school-aged children may also be vulnerable to committing suicide, despite reports of a drop in this age category.

Historically, during the height of the samurai's fame, taking one's own life was either considered as a regret, a self-punishment for one's master's defeat in battle (seppuku). Rather than to be beheaded by the enemy's sword or due to neglecting their duties, seppuku was regarded as more noble one.

Seppuku is banned by the modern-era Japanese government, but shards of the past always serve as an inspiration to young people who imagine themselves as samurais in the brink of losing their dignity.

The two actions above, which are respectively aimed at carrying out (mass shooting) and rolling up (suicide) the shame, both end in death, as well as the suffering of others who are connected to such suicide perpetrators.

Since shame is an innate emotion most of people experience, should we just take the term "shame" out of all world languages' dictionaries so that people will eventually no longer remember how to express their dread of losing something they can't see?

It's better to be ashamed than be shattered forever

Feeling ashamed is not a bad thing. In many of the circumstances people will face in their lifetime, shame will lead the way, the driver for their behaviors' vehicle. Some people also employ shame as a weapon to control other groups.

Back to debt problems, for instance, if a debtor does not make payments on their debt and cannot be reached, debt collection agencies will get in touch with (and in certain situations, debt collectors will also ask debt repayment from) those who are listed as debtor emergency contracts.

If there is no transparent communication between the debtor and his/her emergency contacts about his/her debt because the debtor is embarrassed to be found out that he/she has debt, it is not impossible that there will be divisions between family members, relatives, and friends due to debt collectors' invasion of the debtor's personal space (which is a common practice among online loan services in Indonesia).

Debt isn't the only thing that causes shame in a complex age nowadays. A sudden change in one's status , falling into poverty, losing a war or a sporting event, or losing their job, you name it. The trigger is varied for each person, depending on one's background and preference. Nevertheless, they feel a relatively similar shame: agitation, dyspnea, dysphagia, anti-social, self-hate, etc.

If we give it think about it carefully, who was to blame for causing us so much discomfort? I'm sure you already know the answer. So, how do we get rid of this strangled shame that arose among a nation or a group of people around the same time and lasts for years?

By following a few simple steps, you can get the answers to all of these questions. One mistake we often make when we feel insulted or low is to bustle up in figuring out how exterminate the shame completely. In fact, a self-acknowledgement that our pride wounded is needed. OK, we're ashamed. We're pariahs. Period.

Remember, you're not your shame, either your humiliated self-esteem. Don't be tempted to kill it or vent it in a hurry, since everything we do based on these two goals will never overcome the shame within ourselves. Conversely, such moves will serve as food for our shame to grow bigger within beyond our consciousness.