Unbinding Regret

Did you ever wonder, what our face looks like when expressing an apology? A mirror will tell us everything. But it must be weird to say “sorry” while staring at your own reflection in the mirror, right? Your fellow will definitely run away, he/she might be scared of getting infected by your weirdness.

Regret, at first, is such an unpleasant feeling. In a certain condition when regret is something that we can't left unspoken, human faces two options on how the way he or she responds against the insistence of expressing regret. First, to confess it unconditionally and watch all the prides collapsing in the same time. Or, put it on as a lipstick, which is the second option. Regret is expressed words by words, but the consciousness is being bound so tight until it couldn't move itself to be aware or to remember all of its physical sphere been said. Both options are similarly horrible. First option is like slapping our own visage. A painful smite and the loudness of its sound still can be heard through the lifetime, as a bitter reminder not to make the same mistake. Second option is the worst, as someone forces himself to do something against his free-will, that is to regret his deed. However, even first and second options, both could not erase the fact that a mistake(s) burst out already. Just like a washed and dried cloth couldn't erase the reality that dirt once stuck on it.

Friedrich Engels once said that, “Alle mit Naturnotwendigkeit eintretenden Ereignissse tragen ihren Trost in sich, sie mogen noch so furchtbar sein,” or “Every matter in nature that finds solace within itself, sometimes is the most tragic pain.” An event had been a fracture within a bitter soul, so that it was destined not to be avowed neither by make a confession nor write it down in history. Would anyone out there able to pull him/herself together after a series of tremendous episode which cost hundreds thousands lives? The big wars like Crusade Wars or World Wars, both are learned by all people in different classes and times. Do we ever question about which side who achieved all the glory in the end of these wars? All of war champions' names are indeed can be found in the history book. But were these champions felt complete as all their problems swept away by victory in war? It is likely hard to answer since both X and Y sides were suffering a severe loss. Even the war winner had no time to celebrate its triumph, because it was busy to think about how to payoff its war debt. While the other side must suffer not only losses, but also an eternal stigma as an evil enemy to fight against forever.

The root of all “disorder”

Human has an amazing skill to adapt with his/her surrounding situation. But not everyone has the same pace to adapt. It is because human consciousness shaped by where he was born, lived, and raised. Moreover, natural condition is different between one part of the Earth and the other. No wonder there were various reaction shown by various group of men after a massive phenomenon. In English, that reaction is called “aftermath”, whereas “after” is a preposition to show following in time (according to Oxford Dictionary), and “math” is Mathematics. Unlike language or any other subject, Mathematics is the most honest discipline. Numbers cannot lie, cannot be bent or be deciphered with different method in unconventional point of view. How is this world going to be if one day 2 + 2 = 5? In Mathematics, a result of an action (equation) is absolute, the cause of result can also being revealed. When the numbers order were changed in a multiply or subtraction equation, the result remains the same. What makes them different is their origin, their provenance, where did 2, 3, 13, 666 come from, etc. History indeed told us about millions of thousands different occurrence worldwide, and some of those ended in the same way, tragedy and regret. It was the situations, conditions, and the surrounding dynamics of consciousness construction to blame for the dissimilarity of reactions and the way a certain group of men respond against a regret.

Water flow in the river is also never the same. Its stream scraped the river bank bit by bit and almost no one noticed it. But, deforestation happened somewhere near the river. Its headstream became thin gradually, and the river was narrower each year. Just like this world's face and a country was shaped a set of events occurred and by how its reaction. For example, economic crisis hit a certain country. There were high inflation, unemployment were everywhere in the country, industrial sector was hung up, state debts were risen excessively. It seemed like this country would came to its bankruptcy very soon. As a matter of fact, this ain't the first in the country's history. After some serious considerations, this country finally proclaimed protectionism. It was expected that such policy would be powerful enough to increase state income from goods taxes and commission paid by foreign companies who do business in the country, when it was assumed that raising citizens tax rate would only invite impeachment havoc risk which is dangerous for the respective authority. By the way, there is nothing wrong with such decision to choose. Any living being who smell a hazard nearby will do anything it can to protect itself. The reason of this behaviour can be tracked down by look into, again, history. This can be viewed as another cause beside a plan to increase state income.

I have no doubt that all fundamental basic in the whole countries don't advice their citizens to reject diversity. All nations emphasize the importance to prioritize the equality of rights and responsibilities without exceptional over gender, race, tribe and religious differences. In fact, differences are not limited to physical nor personal believes. There are also principle difference, economic or political principles included. Alas, discerning differences is easier in theory rather than engage it. When an individual or a group of people living within a neighborhood where they never found any difference compare to their personal states, their first reaction toward difference is defensive since their brain mechanism define such difference as a threat. One of this defensive manifestation is self-protection. This demeanor will be inherited to plant the same way of view against difference within next generation mind. Media is free to highly praise millenial generation and their little bros and sis as “a better new generation”. However, human consciousness is constructed by his/her surround environment. Time will tell whether successor generation will conform their elder dogma, or decide to move on and create a new point of view accordingly.

Regardless of whether option to choose, young, old, about to old, or even pre-born generation should consider that unexpressed regret likely become a mean to fuel defensive reaction against differences. Long after the source of regret happening, one or ones attempt to analyze entire facts at the time of occurrence. As later it is found that a significant differentiate factor as the source of dispute, any preventive action seems not a headline. An action just like a so-called “kill them before they grow”, a pragmatic action to lock such alien deep down under the grave. Even yet such action isn't well-off to answer one big question, why we can't be the same? We must motivate ourselves for the answer. When we are too afraid to jump into the water, we won't see its floor. Just like how we react over differences. There's still a chance to discover that such fierce crocodile doesn't exist, after we dive under the pool. I will tolerate that turns out many of us can't swim. The thing is, would you agree to learn how to swim and bring yourself to see the beauty underneath?  (swastantika).